Gene Turner
| Contender | National Morel Mushroom Festival | Empire Asparagus Festival |
| Where | Boyne City | Empire |
| When | May 15 - 18 | May 16 - 18 |
| Information | Morelfest.com | Empirechamber.com |
| Mascot | A dancing, guitar-playing morel named Woody Pickme | The lovely Asparagus Queen, who stalks the festivities |
| Random Souvenir | Chainsaw-carved morel lawn ornament | Asparagus apron |
| Perennial favorite | Pinewood derby -- all cars must be made from fruits and vegetables | The spear-throwing contest for kids |
| Notable competition | The mushroom pole, a buckpole for 'shrooms | The ode to Asparagus poetry contest |
| Food finds | Morel fritters, baked brie with morels | Asparagus ice cream asparagus brats, frieds asparagus |
| Believe it | Each year, a temporary tent city known as Shroom Town sprouts up near Boyne City as hundreds of morel hunters gather for the annual harvest. | The annual parade, which sometimes consists of little more than "four cars, three kids on bikes and two dogs," is so hilariously brief that it runs down Main Street twice. |